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The State We’re In » Blog Archive » Bats are Bugs

Bats are Bugs

Joe has called dibs on the Sydney post, but I am exercising sovereignty over my birthday and recounting the festivities here:

After enjoying our first opportunity to sleep in since Fiji, we headed to tour downtown and see the opera house, which is much less white than it always seems in pictures. John and I agreed that it looks like a jumble of conquistador helmets left behind by a race of 250ft tall Spaniards. From the opera house we spotted a battleship coming into the harbor that we thought was flying the stars and stripes, but wasn’t. We debated its nationality for a good 30 minutes before deciding to follow the coastline through the botanical gardens towards the naval yard to get a better look. After a bit, we rounded a point and found not only the battleship, but an aircraft carrier bristling in the slanted tails of F/A-18s. We are the only country that flies F/A-18s, so that settled it. All told, there were 4 American ships in harbor. It looked like Bush may have been planning to make Australia the next US colony for a big Independence Day surprise.

On the walk back through the gardens, Joe regaled us with tales of giant bats terrorizing the skies of the gardens. Of course, none of us believed him until suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full with what looked like huge bats. (EDIT: “and the sky was full of what looked like giant bats.” Venerable Hunter S. Thompson didn’t blowhis brains out in front of his kids to be misquoted by some punk-ass twenty-somethings. -JF-) One nearly carried off Louis’s head. It weighed at least 20 pounds. Louis was a bit shaken up after that and wouldn’t even let Joe and I suspend him upside down in front of a tree full of hundreds of them for a photo op.

In the evening we went out to dinner in an area that Joe neglected to tell us was essentially Sydney’s red light district, and was crawling with sailors on shore leave. After dinner we were a little unnerved by the whole scene and all for heading back downtown on the double. All of us, that is, except Louis who suggested we “hook up with some Navy guys.” (Disclaimer: That quote is woefully out of context, but that hasn’t stopped us from making fun of Louis for his poor word choice all the same.) After getting back downtown we finished the evening with some barhopping that produced some spectacular stories I am not at liberty to put down here. The paragon of virtue I am, none of these stories involved me, I assure you. All in all, Sydney is a great place to kick off my 22nd year.

Happy 4th, and here’s to hoping Bush doesn’t replace O’Connor with a Tomas de Torquemada.

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